Valentine’s Day thoughts

Valentine's Day balloons in a store window

Valentine’s Day balloons – Image by Amaia Li

After work, the lady who usually sits with me on the Express bus asked me, “What are you doing tonight?” Tonight was Valentine’s Day night. And I said with a big smile, “I’m staying home watching the Olympics.” To her, my answer might have sounded pathetic, but I was truly feeling happy in spite of the fact that it was one more Valentine’s Day of the same old, same old: no husband, no boyfriend. And yet, this has been the first time in years that I did not feel sorry for myself nor fell into wondering why fate seemed to have made single a permanent status for me. Strangely, I felt comfortable and happy in my skin. Perhaps, wisdom has finally kicked in. I no longer buy into the happy-forever-fairy-story-ending ideal. I’m old enough to know that what makes a match and a happy relationship has more to do with shared values, shared dreams and common ground than love conquering all. Oh, I’m not cynical. “Once Upon a Time” is my favorite TV show and any good love story movie will bring me to tears. I still believe in love but I understand that building a relationship entails a balance between honoring my deepest beliefs and somebody else’s expectations (and vice versa), between giving selflessly and having a backbone, between respecting and crossing personal boundaries. I haven’t given up on finding my soul mate. But last night I was celebrating that I am living life whole, even without the perfect man at my side. Those ideas that are floating around about incompleteness or about missing half of yourself will only make you feel starved and lacking. They color your search with hunger. They make you desperate to fill some hole or the empty half they’ve created in a hurry as if an expiration date is printed on your forehead. Experience made me throw those ideas away and instead, I started seeing myself as a whole and worked on becoming whole while at the same time searching for my one and only. I have come to believe that two wholes coming together are better than two halves becoming one. And you know that advice about not going shopping to the supermarket with an empty stomach? It might work for dating too.

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2 Responses to Valentine’s Day thoughts

  1. Great post! I definitely agree that two wholes coming together are better than two halves becoming one!

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